urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mrshaleyscott even when i knew it was wrong mrshaleyscott 2006-02-13T02:53:22Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mrshaleyscott:2376 2006-02-13T02:53:22Z 2006-02-13T02:53:22Z I guess my failure would be not being able to make my marriage work. I tried, tried really hard, but in the end it wasn't enough. Nothing could have brought him back into my arms, I tried everything I could think of. Maybe it was time to move on. I can't stay stuck in time wishing for something that may never happen. I wanted to make things work, but they wouldn't. They just couldn't. I was the one that left, made him think something was going on when there wasn't. I gave him the suspicion that things just couldn't work between us. I should have expected something more from myself. I failed at my OWN marriage. No one had a part in that but me. I let him down, and I let myself down. I'm dumb and irresponible...maybe he's right about things. I should just go away and never come back.<br /><br />Haley James Scott<br />One Tree Hill<br />151 words<br />note: written before her and nathan ever started working on things, and also it sucks, but lately the prompts have been rather hard to work around haley.) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mrshaleyscott:2163 2005-12-31T20:41:22Z 2005-12-31T20:41:22Z Haley James Scott<br />One Tree Hill<br />186 words<br /><br />This year, has to be one of the most <b>HORRIBLE</b>, yet exciting ones in my life. I've been heartbroken, and then in love and heartbroken again. I've been confused, andy and hurt more then I'd like to ever have those feelings again. I've gotten married, divorced and rebounded into another relationship, well not really rebounded, but yeah. My year, if I could change anything, I'd change a few things.<br />I'd change the fact that I had gotten married, I'd never have married Nathan if I knew what would happen down the road. I wouldn't have given Chris Keller the time of day either if I had known what a slimebad he was. I would have stopped Lucas from getting into a relationship with Brooke, if I had known that his heart would be broken.<br />I do wish one thing, something I could have done. I wish I could have made everyone happy, instead of either hating me, or just downright not talking to me. This year I have a resolution, I'm going to start taking responsibility for my actions, instead of blaming them on everyone else. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mrshaleyscott:1794 2005-12-30T07:09:44Z 2005-12-30T07:09:44Z Haley James Scott<br />One tree Hill<br />169 words<br /><br />Theer's a lot of things in the life of Haley James that could have been said and weren't. For example, I should have never stayed on that tour after Nathan left, I should have come straight home, but I didn't. I should have said 'Stay, please Nathan'. I was so stupid.<br />Then I should have told Lucas I had feelings for him when I had the chance. Now it's too late, things have happened that there is no turning back. I refret not telling him I loved him. I should have told him that and I should have told Chris to fuck off, he was the one that set my life into a downward spirtal of deciet and divorce. I regret not being more firm in my answer of no. I wans't strong enough to tell Lucas that I cared for him, in the end it was he that told me exactly how he felt, but we'll see how long these things last, especially once things with Brooke get settled... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mrshaleyscott:1701 2005-12-30T07:05:15Z 2005-12-30T07:05:15Z Haley James Scott<br />One tree Hill<br />160 words<br /><br />Right now I must. I have to be the happiest person I've been in such a long time, dar I say it since the day the euphoria or my marriage to Nathan. Things are looking up. I've moved out of Brooke's apartment, and into my own, and I'm starting a new life for myself. Even signed the divorce papers to release Nathan, he deserves better. So does Lucas, but Lucas won't let me go. I have to let Nathan go, it's not fair to hold him back, we're both ready to move on, it's time. I forgot how much fun I had with Lucas and working at the cafe'. I had forgotten how much I loved life and how happiness really felt. The feeling of life is finally looking up for me, because now I can live, and be free. And learn that not all things are bad and that people can in fact have happy endings. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mrshaleyscott:1489 2005-12-30T06:59:51Z 2005-12-30T06:59:51Z Haley James Scott<br />One tree Hill<br />178 words<br /><br /><br />Karma used to be just a drink at Karen's cafe, but then my world crashed around me and I realized Karma was real and it wasn't something to be messed with. Such as the saying goes: what comes around, goes around. I'm now a very strong believer in this stuff, because it is real, very real.<br />Karma came to haunt me that night I kissed Chris. It caused my heart to break, my world to shatter, and made me lose everything that I thought was something I'd never loose. It hurt so bad in my veins. Nathan had shunned me the moment I arrived home, Karma had begun to kick my ass in every direction known to man. It destroyed my marriage, and it destroyed my ability for music. Oh and did I mentionit brought back the main reason for the anguish in my life? Yes, Chris Keller had once again come into my life. Wonderful thing Karma is. then again maybe I should blame myself and not the wonderful thing called Karma Either way, it won. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mrshaleyscott:1217 2005-12-30T06:54:44Z 2005-12-30T06:54:44Z Haley James Scott<br />One tree Hill<br />164 words<br /><br /><br />Random acts of kindness happens more then people seem to remember, even the smallest things can be viewed as moving. Like when a mother picks their child up from the ground and kisses their wounds from falling off their bikes. It warms your heart. Small things may not mean much, but when you're young like that, it means the world. <br />A act of kindness I expierenced means the world to me. It was when i cam back from the tour and everyone had turned their backs on me. ONly one person hadn't and that was Lucas. He still embraced me ith open arms even after everything that I had done wrong. And that was so moving, that I will never forget. Love is the greatest and most moving thing that could ever happen to someone.<br />But in essence, kindness comes in all shapes and sizes, even the littlest things can be the most moving to people. It depends on how a person views thing. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mrshaleyscott:930 2005-11-28T02:26:57Z 2005-11-28T02:26:57Z <a name="cutid1"></a><br />Mornings used to be great when I was growing up. I used to most of the time wake up in bed with Lucas, because I spent the night over his house a lot. Then when we got into high school, and my mornings consisted of throwing the covers over my head and trying to bury myself into them as far as I could. I didn't want to go to school, I had begun to hate it. But something kept me going. Maybe it was Lucas being there that made things worthwhile. So I'd get up, shower, get dressed, trudge down the stairs with my heavy backpack, grab a cup of coffee, and by the time I got to school, I'd be super perky and well on my way to a mental breakdown. As you can tell, I'm not a morning person, I can pretend I'm a morning person though. That's easy to do.<br />Then when i was with Nathan, waking up every morning was a dream come true, because I was all wrapped up in the blanket, snuggled close to him, listening to his heartbeat, a smile never left my face. Those were the good old days, when things were so simplistic and I didn't have a care in the world. That changed fast...<br />Now, I sleep alone, in a bed and the mornings are just another day to remind me that hey, you messed up BIG time with what you did Haley James. Mornings, I hate them. I'm definitely not a morning person.<br />Muse: Haley James Scott<br />Fandom: One Tree Hill<br />Word Count: 252<br /><br /><a name="cutid2"></a><br />~ Haley sat in history class trying to concentrate on the book in front of her, but all the words seemed blurry and remotely dumb. None of them made sense. She simply didn't care about then anymore. They were useless. She didn't have the drive she used to, she lacked it. She flipped through page after page, doing the reading, or pretend reading. Then her eyes caught site of the boats in the fog, and she stared at it for a long while, thoughts beginning to take place in her head~<br /><br />~ The boats reminded her of herself, stuck in a place tied to a harbor where she couldn't set herself free. Trapped, like maybe how she belonged. And the fog that surrounded them was her own fears, mistakes, doubts and her basic misconceptions of life. It was suffocating the boats, in turn her. Blinding her way to what was right, if anything she did was right. She blinked and looked up as the teacher said something, and she smiled and shook her head no in answer, returning her gaze to the image that laid in front of her. She gave a small sigh. She could see the small hint of a sun in the background, perhaps it meant that she wasn't doomed to the unhappy state she was in now. Perhaps things would get better, but with how small the sun was, maybe they could only get worse. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes as she slammed the book closed as she felt them start to slide down her cheeks. And she rushed out the door. The boats, it seemed, would forever be haunted by the fog, and never cut free from the ropes that binded them to that harbor. She was forever trapped.<br />Word Count: 297<br /><br /><a name="cutid3"></a><br />I have to admit, since returning to Tree Hill, I have lost my self control on more then one occasion, but doesn't everyone? Even before I left, I had lost it. I let myself get wrapped up in things that caused me to have emotional ties. If I could take some of those things back, I would. In a heartbeat, but I can't. What's done is done. <br />I lost control with Nathan, I allowed myself to become something I simply wasn't. I was willing to do anything to win him back, even if that meant throwing myself into his arms and grabbing areas of his which I normally wouldn't do. I just wanted him to love me again. I didn't have control of the sitsuation and that made me nervous, scared. I was angry at myself for leaving, and I was more angry at myself for going up on that stage when he came to see me. I wanted to stay there, really I did. But the stage and the crowd called to me. I'll never forget walking back afterwards and him not being there. It made my heartbreak.<br />I didn't even have Lucas, and I could have had Lucas a while ago. In any way that I wanted, but something didn't allow it, because the fates had made me meet Nathan. Control is something I lack, self control. I can't control myself or my emotions, and they get the best of me sometimes. I wish I wasn't so emotional. It would make things so much easier.<br />Word Count: 256<br /><br /><a name="cutid4"></a><br />When I look into a mirror all I see is a reflection of a girl too scared of her own shadow. One who should have something, and doesn't, because she's dumb and made a few wrong choices. I see someone whose not really ready to deal with the world, or the reprocussions that mistakes may make. A girl that doesn't want to be herself, wants to be someone else who hasn't a care in the world, or any responsibilities. <br />The mirror can tell a thousand lies, it can make you look like the most beautiful person in the world or the ugliest. Either way, the mirror could be lying. It's what's inside you that makes you who you are. And I'm a liar, a desperate housewife, and a low human being. Everyone hates me, in some way, whether they want to admit it or not. It's just the matter do they want to show it or not. At least Peyton shows that she's upset with me. Lucas, I don't know about Lucas. He can change looks in the mirror so frequently I have no idea. <br />I hate mirrors, I wish I could break every single one of them right now, but I really don't need anymore bad luck then i have do I?<br />Word Count: 213 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mrshaleyscott:606 2005-11-28T01:44:57Z 2005-11-28T01:44:57Z <a name="cutid1"></a> <br /><br />You will indeed make many mistakes when you're older and in High School, but all of them will help you grow. Believe me when I tell you this. At a young age, you'll discover your love for music, don't let anyone tell you it's worthless. Pursue it, live your dream. I can't explain why I'm telling you this, you wouldn't believe me if I tried, just know, I've been in your shoes, and it's not a easy path to follow where it's going to lead you. You will be hurt many times in your life. And you in turn, will hurt many without realizing it. Hateful things will be said to you, but you have to understand, trust me, it will make you a better person. LEARN from your mistakes. Take things in stride. <br />You'll be friends with a great boy named Lucas, don't ever let him get away. If you let him slip through your fingertips, he'll be gone to you forever. Love him, as a friend, and as something more. Because you'll always have each other in the end as one thing or the other. Don't hide how you feel about him. Tell him, I made the mistake of not telling someone I cared, now, I feel they are lost to me forever. Don't let the same thing happen to you and Lucas. He's a good boy. Trust your instincts. You'll be a smart girl, you'll tutor many people, including a boy named Nathan, who is Lucas' brother. It'll seem your getting in the middle of them, but you're really not. Never question that. Never. You'll perhaps fall in love with nathan, and get married on a whim. Don't get married to him. Be with him, but don't commit yourself so young. The feeling of nostalgia will wear off when you get the offer to go on tour and sing in front of a huge crowd. Don't live with regret. And don't whatever you do, do not get involved with a boy named Chris. He'll only wreck your life. And try to be nicer to a couple girls named Peyton and Brooke. In the end, you'll need them. Because Lucas won't always be around to pick you up. <br />I can't stress enough how much you shouldn't live with regrets of what ifs. Take a leap of faith and go for your dreams. The only one you owe anything to is yourself. It may sound selfish, but it's the truth. <br />Getting back to the subject of boys, kiss Lucas, test to see how it feels to you, if it feels right, it is right. If you find comfort in his arms, go with it. It won't be the same comfort you get in Nathan's. Trust me. It'll be a different feeling all together. You'll feel safe and at the top of the world. Don't worry about it, it's not a bad thing. Be careful with the men. If you do wind up marrying Nathan, and you kiss Chris, and you go on tour, when you come home, don't expect things to just be magically all better. Because they won't be. They'll be a mess, and you'll go out of your way to do stupid things to try and make Nathan love you again. He always loved you, he never stopped, but you're not going to be together again anytime soon. Don't, I repeat don't, try anything drastic to win him back. Heartache, is the worst thing that a girl can possibly feel.<br />There you go Miss Haley James. I've given all the advice I can give you. I don't know what will happen in the end, that's up to you...maybe you should tell Lucas how you really feel, instead of hiding in a shell. And maybe you won't go on tour and Nathan will be by your side for the rest of your life. And maybe you, will become the center of someone's world, where you're the only one that matters, and you come first. You'll break a few hearts Haley, and win a few in return. You'll be like a broken doll sometimes, going through the motions of life, but don't ever let anyone tell you you're not worth anything. The person that will say you are, is just a sad person who doesn't have anything to offer. You Haley James, have a lot to offer to the world. You just have to believe and make the right choices. The outcome, is yours and yours alone. What you do with this knowlege is your own. I hope you take the advice, and learn from someone's past mistakes. But then again, you never know what the future will bring. One day at a time, or so people say.<br />-from the future mouse.<br /><br />Muse: Haley James Scott<br />Fandom: One Tree Hill<br />Word Count: 793 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:mrshaleyscott:470 2005-10-28T06:14:47Z 2005-10-28T06:15:22Z Muse: Hayley James Scott<br />Fandom: One Tree Hill<br />Word Count: 416<br /><br /><br />Shame. The word that I would likely love to forget ever existed. <br /><br />Simply doesn't in my life. I'm ashamed of what I did to Nathan. He gave up everything for me, and I went around and screwed it up. As usual. I'm good at that. I"m ashamed of lying to Karen about the missing money from the drawer that I KNEW Lucas stole. <br /><br />Everything in my life that I've done, I've never been more ashamed of leaving Nathan and going on that tour. I let my feelings take over me, and I didn't realize what mattered the most, was back in Tree Hill. I lost everything that I had. Friends, family, everything. Nothing was there when I went back. I suppose I could tell myself that the kiss between Chris and I got blown out of proportion, but that would be a lie too. I have myself for doing that to Nathan. <br /><br />I saw the hurt in his eyes when I came knocking at the door. What did I expect? To be greeted with open arms? A loving kiss? For him to pick me up and swing me around and tell me that he loved me with all his heart and soul? Maybe a part of me did. I guess I just didn't realize, the reality of things would be so harsh. I never loved Chris, never. I never cared for him the way that I care about Nathan. I could never...*sighs* I'm mostly ashamed of myself, for anything that I've ever done to hurt anyone. Peyton won't talk to me like a normal person, and Lucas, god..Lucas...Nathan and I will never be the same. <br /><br />I dressed up like some cheap hussy to try and win back his affections at the halloween party. I was dumb. I let Brooke dress me up as something that wasn't me. When all I needed to be was myself. And then, when I was leaving, and he came through the alley, took me in his arms, and kissed me. I'll never forget that. That was the best day of my life since returning from the tour. I should have followed him, threw myself at his mercy, and stayed in bed with him the whole night, but I knew I didn't want to ruin that perfect moment that I had. So I let my fairytale exist when I went back to the apartment. I'd still be Haley James Scott in a heartbeat, if only Nathan would let me.